1. DESTINY is predominant with old - guards, religious sects, illiterates and downtrodden and have-nots. The more men and women are getting literate, are getting influenced by social media etc. destiny with these literates, working class and those who keep conscious and aware as to how and in what direction the world is moving etc., they hardly believe in destiny. Choice remains their top priority while destiny remains an accompaniment and insignificant role player. Females are more believer in destiny than males, mostly due to illiteracy, insecurity - physically and economically –influence females to follow in pre-marital and post-marital rituals. However, this tradition and belief are receding and children are playing predominant role to influence and persuade their parents, to leave their children to decide whom they like rather than be glued to the one presumed or dictated to be a destiny match or the so-called one as the saying goes on and on couples are made in heaven.
2. IS Marriage A Gamble? Mostly not but some time yes. This happens only when someone is fascinated by his/her thinking, dreams, ideology, pre-determined image or personage of someone and incidentally comes across such a person; this relationship could be called a gamble or coincidence. If this happens, the one who was pre-determined, remains always in praise and appreciation and does nothing to hurt or displease the one he/she had coveted and longed for. In such a situation, the 2nd one remains the sole dominant role player in their marital relationship.
3. Acceptance of Each Other: This relates to the acceptance of natural, inherited and acquired capabilities of each other, make adjustments accordingly irrespective of gender, creed, background, status etc. Each plays his/her own role pre-determined with no interference at all, consultation and discussion take dominant role but decision lies with the one whose sphere it belongs to and which has been decided by both of them and mutually agreed to. Such a relationship paves the best way to lead a cordial, harmonious and happy married life
4. Adjustments or Conflicts: In this both believe that they are not meant for each other neither in their attitudes, habits, behavior, thinking, relationship compatibility etc. nor in their prospects, goals and future as a united and coherent couple.
Adjustments: Many especially females feel that they were destined as such and have to adjust with their spouses irrespective of what they are and how they behave. Some try to understand the qualities and weakness of each other, communicate, discuss and arrive at convenient and/or stretched adjustments. Their relationship remains to go by and not to interfere with each other in any manner. This remains more or less a LIVE-IN arrangement rather than a happy couple life. Adjustment also comes perforce to avoid social criticism, pain for parents, and children. More or less it could be taken as a live-in arrangement with least rapport to sit and discuss various difficulties and issues they face individually. In extremes, the couple decides and adjusts to living together but remain free to have their relationship with someone else of each one’s choice. It is possible in the spirit of adjustment both discuss various aspects of living together rather than come to a break, and as such accept each one’s sphere as pre-determined and decided in order to avoid criticism, conflicts etc.
Conflicts: In this situation, no one concedes to the other and each one sticks to one’s views, ideology, way of living etc. which while living in the same house does not fit in well and give cause for conflicts more than adjustment. In such circumstances they do not break but do not live as a loving couple and instead get habituated to find fault of each other. They prefer to live such a life in conflicts and disdain rather than to break, live separate or divorce. Both take their life as destined in this manner and live together throughout their life despite conflicts and disliking.
SUGESTIONS AND ANSWERS;
When one decides to marry and set up one’s own family, then perhaps it would have been perfect had one found one’s soul-mate as the one wished for and IF NOT, which generally happens and saying goes by that MARRIAGE IS A COMPROMISE, rarely perhaps it is a choice:
(1) each one needs to understand the other and adjust with rather than live in conflicts.
(2) after marriage, certain obligations towards one’s family, children, one’s dreams and desires do dictate to adjust and make efforts to harmonies relations rather than to think of breaking the wedlock.
(3) to make a choice between the two situations of living in conflicts or to live in adjustment it is better to adjust and overlook the demerits of the other.
(4) break brings in sufferance for both families, to children, to both of them, this consciousness and the hope that future also not necessarily will be as wished for do help to live together and adjust.
(5) even despite consciousness and hope, it does not happen, one feels prudent and convinced to adjust and make all efforts to live together
(6) however before taking decision to break, one needs to study literature, write-ups, analyses one’s situation from all angles and take recourse to break only when all efforts for reconciliation are exhausted and one feels bold enough to face the future, despite all odds and difficulties, by oneself alone and never count on anyone else.