WHY CONFLICTS SOON AFTER MARRIAGE 30-6-21 .. 3rd lesson 5-7-21

05 July 2021 10:44

WHY MARRIAGE BRINGS IN DIFFERENCES AND CONFLICTS SOON AFTER MARRIAGE? 1. DECEPTION is the main cause, I think. The wife after glorious celebrations on both sides of the familIies, and glorious invitation and promises by the husband that he shall from now on and for ever remain devoted to her and her alone to provide her comforts and joy if not more, minimum equivalent to that she enjoyed with her family. ALAS the moment she steps into the in-laws house, everything changes, promises exist no more, family does not accept her as the present and future member of the family and instead bombard with all sorts of accusations and discrimination, hope and believed her to be PERFECTION, which in their thinking has now turned into DECEPTION, feeling and reflecting on their mistake of choice and expectations. ALAS no one realises nor even the husband that they all have UPROOTED HER FROM HER HOUSE, FROM HER LIVING ROOM, PARENTS, CHILDHOOD FRIENDS ETC in the hope and promise that she will be getting new parents in replacement to compensate her for the loss and sacrifice she is making to enjoy the EXCLUSIVE LOVE OF THE HUSBAND, getting an exclusive partner to provide her love, joy, happiness and THE FAMILY to get to the real life and fulfillment of all ambitions and dreams coined about. INSTEAD SHE FEELS CAGED AMONGST ALL THE MEMBERS OF THE FAMILY, NONE TO TAKE CARE. Alas in their ego, jealousies, non-fulfillment of expectations, the family members including the husband forget to realise that EVEN WHEN A BIRD, MOST LIKED PARROT, IS CAGED, IT ALSO NEEDS TO BE LOVED, CARASSED, TAKEN OUT AT INTERVALS TO PROVIDE AND ENJOY FREEDOM TO THE BIRD SO THAT SLOWLY AND SLOWLY IT GETS ACCUSTOMED TO THIS NEW WAY OF LIFE FULL OF CARE, LOVE, PLENTY TO EAT AND ENJOY. Alas ontrary to this, wife is put to a corner all alone, in regrets, reflexions, pondering over how to please the in-laws, communicate with them and adjust with, longing all along during the day WHEN HER HUSBAND WILL RETURN FROM WORK AND BOTH WILL FIND SOME TIME TO TALK OVER THE DAY STRUGGLES AND ENJOY WITH EACH OTHER IN PRIVATE. Alas it does not happen in the presence of the parents etc. and also to listen to the grievances of the parents with regard to the behaviour and manners of his wife, and do all possible to keep him busy in their company, with surmons, experience and lessons to recount and to give to them full and same attention and love as he used to show and give before. THE HUSBANDS WHO DO NOT REALISE THAT WIFE IS THEIR FIRST AND PRIME-MOST LOVE AND HE IS THE SOLE PERSON TO TAKE CARE OF HER, SHELTER HER FROM THE JEALOUSIES AND PROTECTIVE BEHAVIOUR OF HIS PARENTS, THEY GET SUBMERGED IN THESE CONFLICTS AND PERHAPS END UP IN BREAK OF CONJUGAL RELATIONSHIP. .... how and in what manner to come over this hurdle, will cover in my next write-up. ON THIS D 5-7-21 AFTER MARRIAGE WHY CONFLICTS AND FIGHTS? 3rd reason is the MOTHER IN-LAW. Primarily it happens due to POSSESSIVE NATURE OF THE WOMAN. It is the mother who has endured all difficulties and responsibilities to get her son educated and has done everything possible to take him to adulthood, grown and settled enough to persuade/assist/convince her son to marry. The mother who has been a FULL CARE,ATTENTION AND LOVE FOR HER SON, does not feel comfortable that all of a sudden a new comer comes and snatches her son, whose needs she has been looking for and fulfilling all the time. In contrast,the new comer has left her house, family, friends etc. for the sake of the HUSBAND who she feels is to take care of her in all respects to provide joy and happiness in this new house and the family, which unfortunately does not happen mostl due to non-fulfillment of expectations in the form of dowry, non-fulfillment of expectations that the new comer will be adorable, without a word to utter and take care of the house-hold perfectly in the same manner as per system of this new house. For this adaptation, patience, tolerance and accommodation are essential which never happen, mostly due to the mother-in-law's attitude and at times aided by her daughters and family members. SHORTCOMINGS OF THE NEW COMER, HER FAMILY ARE HIGHLIGHTED, TURN THESE INTO FAULTS, DISCUSSIONS, CRITICISMS ETC. LEADING TO CONFLICTS AND FIGHTS. The new comer feels that she is alone against all the members of the family and that she has to fight for her rights and TO TAKE CARE OF HER HUSBAND SOLELY AND EXCLUSIVELY, with no interference from any member of the family, especially the mother in-law. AS SUCH I PUT THE ONUS ON THE HUSBAND TO GIVE MAXIMUM TIME TO HIS WIFE, LISTEN TO HER, GO OUT FOR STROLL TO TALK OVER AND DISCUSS THE HAPPENINGS OF THE DAY, ADVANCE ARGUMENTS, GIVE REASONS AND CONVINCE THE NEW COMER TO GIVE HIM SOME TIME AND ACCEPT THE ORDEALS IF ANY, TO ADAPT AND ADJUST WITH THE FAMILY MEMBERS AND MORE SO, HE DOES ALL WITH HIS FAMILY TO ACCEPT AND GIVE HIM AS ALSO ALSO THE NEW COMER SOME TIME FOR ADAPTATION, MOST IMPORTANT TO ACCEPT THE NEW COMER AS SHE IS AND DO THEIR BEST TO APPRECIATE HER AND ACCOMMODATE HER AS ONE OF THEM ESSENTIAL MEMBER OF THE FAMILY. ..... hence it is incumbent on the part of the husband 1. to give as much time as he can afford to his wife 2. be with the parents, family members for a short while to listen to them and make them feel comfortable by his presence, participating in discussions sharing and caring as before 3. encourage his wife to serve him food, take care of his wear, daily needs etc. etc. 4. must ensure to find some time to go for a walk, chit chat and possibly enjoy a short sitting in a cafe etc. to feel comfortable to talk over and enjoy by themselves alone 4. to encourage family members and the wife to get to some discussions on light subjects, never the ones which could be controversial and conflicting, which will help the family members and his wife to openness and develop an atmosphere of congeniality, accommodation and adjustment etc. etc. 5. if and ever the wife wishes to visit her parents, the husband must do his best to accompany her, if under some compulsions if it is not possible, let him explain her to postpone or to get to in-laws a few days after the wife is gone to her parents 6. do accept the in-laws as his new parents with much care and responsibility as he does for his parents, perhaps more, if he feels essential and happy to assume and do that. IN SHORT, HUSBAND MUST FEEL AND DO ALL POSSIBLE IN BELIEF AND ACTION THAT WIFE IS THE SOLE SOURCE AND FOUNTAIN OF HIS HAPPINESS AND HE MUST DO ALL POSSIBLE TO KEEP HER FLOURISHING, GLOWING AND BE FULL OF CHARM ALL THE TIME. tks vasdevloond